In just a few days, many of us will be gathering with our families, stuffing ourselves fuller than the turkey on the table and the ongoing debate of whether the cranberries should be jellied and take on the form of the can they came from will continue from the previous year. Living rooms, kitchens and dining rooms will soon become alive with chatter and laughter.
Our family decided a few years ago to split up the major holidays- Mom will always host Christmas, my sister called dibs on Easter, and I would look after Thanksgiving. Because my brother-in-law is American, it made more sense for me to take on the turkey and trimmings rather than my sister potentially having to host two of the same holidays. We all split the meal up, with the host preparing the meat, stuffing and potatoes. With more side dishes than a Chinese smorgasbord and a dessert to die for, believe me when I say no one walks away hungry.
Once we have all dished up, sat at the table and said grace, we all take turns saying what we are thankful for. There have been times when someone says something that turns on the waterworks for others at the table. There have also been times where my kids have no clue what to be thankful for, other than the food they are about to eat. But it is something we do to make us all pause for a moment and see what is important to us.
For me, it is usually the same each year; thankful for my children, my family, my friends and all the opportunities I have had over the year. But there was one person I have thanked, even throughout my darkest of days, my late ex-husband.
For some context, my marriage to my ex was not easy. He had multiple addictions, was mentally abusive towards me and displayed narcissistic behaviours. There were times I had to get witty with money, so I was able to pay bills or buy things we needed. I even tried to convince myself that leaving him was a mistake and that I was never going to be strong enough to go it alone with three young children.
But I didn’t go back, and I got stronger.
It took me a few years to admit that I had to thank him, not personally, but to myself. I will never forget how he treated me, but I could thank him for being the person he was. I learned from him what I do not want in life, in a partner or how I want my boys to treat others as they grow into men.
I thank him for not convincing me to go back. I would have never gone back to school, earning my Continuing Care Assistant certification, or getting the opportunity to work with the seniors and their families. Because of him, I am in my own home, which would have never been a possibility if I had stayed with him.
I thank him for letting me go, giving me the chance to become my true authentic self. I was told by family friends that I was not the person they once knew when I was with him, and they were happy to see me be me once again. I have built up my own self-confidence, albeit I still have a way to go, I am still a work in progress.
It is always nice to be thankful for all the good in your life, but you must remember, there have been negative parts too that have gotten you to where you need to be in life. There is no good without the bad.
Happy Thanksgiving from our home to yours!
